Please express opinions in the comments if you feel that my opinion is incorrect, or flawed. I want to know if my thoughts are flawed. Just make sure not to do it as an anonymous reader, cause then your opinion will be deemed invalid due to your inability to claim your opinion.
I got a job offer the other day. There hasn't been any progress/response in regards to if the possibility is to become reality or not, but what has become apparent is that even though I have only been in Nashville for approximately half a year, I am ready to move again.
Maybe it's my inability to commit, or conversely viewed, my disdain for normality, routine, and complacency. I actually don't think I have a fear of commitment more than just a distaste for committing to things or persons that aren't willing to give back as much as I can and am willing to give.
I know I change my mind on occasion and indecision is a despicable character trait. Even less than a couple weeks ago, I sent out a newsletter expressing the notion that I wanted to pursue the career of a gallery artist. Certainly that is still true, but then it's odd, when man is offered another option, maybe its something that opens their vision or at least helps them paint another path to success, they began to waft on their intentions that may be riddled with a cloudy future.
So I'm hoping that the position is written in the books for me, because although it might be naive, and certainly working for someone is against my belief system since a greater level of financial independence is much more possible when one is in business for oneself, I feel like the potential of attaining greater heights of happiness, more importantly progress might be better for the next couple years if I take this route.
Frankly, I have already grown unhappy here. Ridiculously so and quickly in fact. I can feel my environment causing me to become irritable and distracted. I haven't done much except be uneasy and unproductive for the last week or month. I am content internally with myself for the most part, but ever since I arrived, I have been externally annoyed.
It was the same story at the ranch. Circumstances seemed to slowly crowd their way into my plan that wasn't my initial intentions of what I wanted to accomplish. At the ranch, I was to work a summer and then the winter I would be freed to start my own business. It was a perfect arrangement in the winter, until the small responsibilities of the ranch started to impede on my goals, and I had to leave to escape responsibilities that were greater than what I felt was worth my while.
Here, I thought I would only be responsible for myself and I would not have to worry about anything else, but then circumstances started to seem to be crowding in on me so that I am responsible for more than just myself, and it has made me greatly irritable. It's very slight, but still... Responsibilities that ought not be mine have been placed on my shoulders by the irresponsibility of others, and even to view the irresponsibility of others makes me irritable. I refuse to be the enabler of irresponsibility.
Irresponsibility of others:
I hate the neighbor's dog. They have two identical dogs. One inside that is well groomed and healthy. The other one I hate which they leave outside, is sick and mangy. It had a whooping cough that kept me from sleeping for about a month. Although the feeling is misplaced, I have grown to hate the dog. I wish it were dead, not just for itself to be put out of it's lonely existence and lack of health and happiness, but for me, so I wouldn't have to stare at an example of how humans can become so disconnected from their affect on other lives. The neighbors are grossly negligent. It makes me severely angry and upset that they decided to take on the responsibility of a pet, then to have neglected the simple responsibility of caring for the life they claimed makes me wish they would suffer the same indignity that the mangy dog in the backyard suffers. I hate people. I hate the dog because it represents the ugliness of the owners.
I hate the other neighbor's dog. It chirps all day while they neglect it. Ever since they got it, it just sits outside barking on a lease. Runty little P.O.S.
I hate the house I live in. It's old and inefficient. There's a myriad of problems that can't be fixed without thousands of dollars. The landlord can tout how he charges significantly less than the neighbor, but for a piece of shit house with a failing foundation to tout a lesser rent, which is probably just bullshit, is worth nothing.
The yard of the house in which I live often becomes littered with trash as the neighborhood is run down and near the ghetto, and most persons of the community are content with less than mediocrity and are apathetic to the aesthetic state of their neighborhood. It is also cluttered with the belongings of the former tenant.
It would be uncouth for me to speak of the ills I have towards my ex and current roommate, but ills do exist. There exists a great extensive list of shirking of responsibilities that make me ill about them. If not for them, I would probably not have reached the level of irritation to desire a change.
Everything around me seems to scream of mediocrity and especially apathy. It's almost as if everything around me is content to have the world around them be Shit, because they are too lazy and content with lesser than the norm to want to make a change. And I can't stand to be around it anymore because I don't want to be infected.
I understand, I too know that feeling. It's so much easier to do nothing, to give up, and accept the status quo.
But I don't want to live in that.
Maybe I lack patience, or the leadership, or have too harsh a judgement, but I've come to believe, people who want to be lazy and apathetic about their lives of mediocrity will not change. They have already accepted to live the status quo, and every day that they live they spur the probability that the likelihood of change will not occur. If one has become sedentary in their ways for an extended period of time, regardless what efforts they may seem to put out, it will most likely not cause a significant change.
I do not wish to be that person.
Regardless of if I get this position in California or not, I am moving out of my current situation somehow, some way. I am going to ante up.
I feel like if I stayed the differences in values of the people and environment around me would only spur an unhealthy mental state of irritation without resolve.
Besides where I am right now was only planned to be a temporary state, I just grew unsatisfied faster than I had thought.
