Oct 15, 2007

Everyone should...

Pick up smoking cigarettes for at least 6 months, a pack a day, Im talking really get in to the addiction, then try quitting.

Why? I'll write more later. It's 3 am. I should sleep.

It's been 4 days since I had my last cigarette. Nicotine been naturally purged from my body so the pangs of desire are only caused by mental dependance and not chemical. There must be some dissertation on why after 3-4 years of abstinence I picked it back up for a brief 3 month rendezvous.

I've probably quit 3 times now with periods extending beyond a year after each quit.

Each time I find it's quite interesting. Strong addictions that easily take your personality and split it into two as if you were a schizophrenic. Recently I went to bed often telling myself not to drive the 23 miles to the store to buy the pack of cigarettes, where upon completing the quest, I would be rewarded with a cigarette. Having to go through such a task to obtain the reward you would think, would remind me NOT to do so, to WILLFULLY NOT DRIVE that far to succumb to my addiction... BUT no, many mornings, as soon as I would wake up... Ima goin to the sto! Totally forgetting the irrelevant promise made to self the night before.

I find it interesting also that there is nothing different about me today, or four days ago, compared to those nights or days I failed to follow through the intention of quitting... SO... what was different 4 days ago, when I easily went the day without smoking?

Nothing... Though you would think that quitting smoking is something a person of strong will does... not necessarily so. I didnt impose my will to quit. It just happened. It seems as if its like throwing darts at the bullseye. Eventually upon attempting many times, the throw hits. Did you willfully participate greatly in that accomplishment? Most likely not. True True... I know there are some people who can practice enough that they can hit the bullseye often, but even then... you are only in so much control and you cannot guarantee 100% that you will succeed. It is just chance...

Another interesting experience is the mild depression or the feeling of losing something tremendously great when you quit smoking. I remember one of the first times I quit longterm, for a while, it was almost like breaking up with a girlfriend, a really good one, that made you really happy, almost all the time.

The brain gets to LOVE a cigarette. You smoke, it releases dopamine or whatever. Lather, rinse and repeat. Smoking at one time or another did bring me happiness. Silly as it may sound, its not. Just as you, the audience, could say, yes, eating XXXXXX makes me happy cause its so delicious! Smoking is made exactly to produce that effect.

I tried exercising cause I heard that eventually you can get a high from it. I never got there, otherwise Id probably still be gunning for that high.

Its closing in on 4 am. I should sleep. Vegas tomorrow... for vacation! (If you've read my blog, you know I hate LV, but Im going there with a pretty girl I like, so no Matter! hehe)

Later! Go grab a smoke!


Here's some sketches Ill eventually bang something cool out of...


Anonymous said...

I love the Lion and the Boar.. the Roman type helmet im not to fond of.

just m input tho ^^

oh and i know what you mean on the smoaking...its a bitch...

Mike M

Anonymous said...

todays my 5 year anniversary of quitting smoking - it was one of the few smart things i've done. good luck kicking the habit.

also - keep up the great artwork.

we miss you in nashville