Dec 21, 2008

Story about Nothing



Dec. 21, 2008

The holidays bring me a most special and wonderful gift. It is the season when families come together and find comfort in mutual love and appreciation.

Be that this is so, my roommate has left to be with his, and this, the solitude, the house all to myself, is what I enjoy the most! Thank you holidays!!!

Certainly, yes, I too will head for my parents home in a few days to commune with them, but solitude in my own domain is much more difficult to arrange than anything else these days so I must savor it!

For the last couple days, by my own choice, I have lived off Diet Cherry Coke, and banana bread that I baked myself. I baked it in a casserole dish instead of a baking pan since it's all we have. It worked regardless. I was glad that I could use the blacked bananas that had been staring at me from the kitchen counter for days now.

Now, banana bread and soda for days in a row is a choice. I could cook up some white rice with fresh salmon and vegetable medley, or baked chicken in green bean casserole topped with onion chips...

But I choose Banana Bread & Coke just because I can... and besides, it's a delicious pairing, an naturally oily bread product, and a fizzy drink to wash it all down.

Furthermore, my days have been fairly relaxed and totally free to do as I wish. Bachelordom has never been so pleasant.

I woke up when I wanted (3pm BTW), ran on my own, walked from my room naked to the bathroom to take a shower, and poop and pee with the door open.

Later tonight, after I'm done writing this blog, revising, and reading it out loud without worrying if my roommate will think I am crazy, I will probably work several hours late into the morning, probably around 5 or 7 am.

All the while, eating some more banana bread and drinking soda, because I can. Although, I think tonight, I fancy some pork fried rice and chicken-on-stick from the nearby crappy Chinese takeout.

Anyways, I love this time of the year.

The cold and the gloomy gray sun reminded me of another time, when I was 21, and lived in my first bachelor pad.

It was an odd time, maybe difficult. I survived on ramen noodles, Dodge's Gas Station chicken fingers and pizza sticks, and a tenacious pack a day habit of Camel Lights. Cigarettes somehow conveniently allow you to survive on the most minimal of caloric intake...

The other inhabitants of the quadplex were young like me.

One was a german student studying for her masters. She was amazingly attractive, except when she opened her mouth, she had shitty teeth, and unfortunately, though her face was stunning, a humongous, unavoidably disgusting mole perched upon her cheek waiting for someone to come close enough so it may take a flying leap onto them.

Another couple, though probably in their early twenties, were already practicing to become the future stars of COPS. They frequently and loudly fought, yelling obscenities, and accusations. They also enjoyed throwing stuff, mostly plates or glass oriented objects. Although most fights seemed to be anticlimactic, no one ever got hurt, someone usually just left.

Oh, and the WWF/WCW fanatics couple that inhabited the floor on which I lived... The doors sucked. They floated above the floor about an inch, and the walls were paper thin, so many nights, I enjoyed listening to them watching wrestling, where on occasion I suppose if they had had enough drinks, they got frisky and I then enjoyed? listening to them having sex.

I suppose the question mark after "enjoyed?" is because both the male and female were extremely obese. Sure they were young, so they had bright faces, but I just couldnt disconnect the girl's loudly enthusiastic moans and expressions of pleasure from the physical image of her. Although in meeting her in normal circumstances, she had a very happy and pleasant demeanor, so I don't doubt that her expressions were sincere. Good job pleasing your woman pal. Nice Undertaker shirt!

Even the next door neighbors were interesting. They were a couple of fraternity brothers with a penchant for inviting buxom babes late at night to chill in their much nicer Main Street home complete with a fancy deck with Jacuzzi.

One night, a frantic and angry fraternity brother came and found HIS babe in the jacuzzi with two other brothers.

It was awesome, the guy ended up getting his ass whooped, and his face sanded on the driveway, and then on his retreat, he took his truck and rammed it into the deck stairs, then he peeled out.

It was a difficult situation similar to trying to decide whether to watch Mad Max Thunderdome on TBS, or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Special on whatever. The fight was riveting, but so was the near naked girl imploring that the fighting stop.

Difficult decisions... difficult decisions.

I wonder where all the actors of that impromptu play are now. I imagine the buxom babe is someone's trophy wife by now, either that or an emasculating high level manager at a corporate company whom all the men want to bang and speak of degradingly at the water cooler. I don't know about the dudes, they are probably pudgy domesticated white collar workers at aforementioned corporate company, reminiscing about their now defunct glory days of their youth.

...

The apartment house was outwardly beautiful. A Main Street historic house that had been turned into a quadplex by a douchebag of a landlord. It had hardwood floors, high ceilings, super huge windows, a crow's feet bathtub...

Yes, it was outwardly beautiful... but inconveniently horrible otherwise. Drafty and cold, it might as well not had any heat or air as it was controlled by someone else in one of the other apartments in the quadplex, not that it would have made a difference.

I remember once in the dead of winter, the douchebad landlord neglected to pay the gas bill, so we had no heat. There was nothing I could do than to bundle up with the couple blankets I owned, and cuddle with Josie, my cat. It sucked. I try to keep warm by drinking coffee, and I had no money so it was made from months old instant coffee, with no milk or sugar.

I mentioned that I love this time of year. With such memories, you would wonder why.

I don't know either, it reminds me of tougher times, and it seems adversity makes for good stories.

Regardless, in comparison, I am living those days today, except no crazy neighbors, and all my creature comforts like food and warmth, are not things I have to scratch to provide myself.

In fact, Im going out to get some chicken-on-stick.

Later.
;j

5 comments:

Zenne said...

I always had fun when roommates left. I had one that left every weekend, in the first year of college. So I could make food without having to find pants! And turn the heat up, and sing to the radio, haha.

Then again, she'd come home with her baby like she did on finals week, and bring her boyfriend for stretches at a time (the one she constantly yelled at on the phone otherwise). That was so fun. Staying up for 72+ hours at a time with strange company and crying babies. More paper-thin walls.

Diet soda is...diet soda. I'm at my parent's house now, and they have no regular soda. Or tasty food. They've been on a health kick for a few years now. So I wrote "regular coca-cola" on the grocery list, haha. Funny, my mom was talking about making banana nut bread tomorrow. I haven't had it in a while. Whenever I decide to bake something it's either brownies or go all out like cheesecake.

I dunno if I like this time of year, though. I get cold really easily. Absorb cold and completely destroy heat. It's my superpower, haha. The ability to make people jump up and run away if I touch them :p I have no insulation!

Hm...I have no real stories to ramble about. :p

jimiyo said...

Zenne! :D

Scoff! Diet soda is not just diet soda! IMO. I hate liquid sugar aka regular soda.

Do you like summer? I bet it's hot as balls in Texas, if I remember where you live correctly.

I have many stories, but I also have a decade on you. Most of the f-upped people I met was after school in the working world.

One time I lived with two white girls, both preferred to date black guys so they didnt have any qualms with living with a white guy.

One had herpes. Very attractive, Very dumb, but with Herpes.

I joke that, even though I know you cant get the Herpe from the toilet seat, I would hover over the toilet seat so I wouldnt have to touch the seat. I had really nice quads that year.

The other one told me that she didnt think that white guys could really ever be considered as True Men... oddly enough, if her boyfriend was indicative of what a True Man is to be, a True man is one that is a financial leech, smokes pot all the time, mistreats their women, and cheats on them. I for one, could not live up to her expectations of being a man.

Wakkka waakkka waaka.

They were nasty too. Nasty as in messy, didnt give a shit about cleanliness or anything.

Oh... SO MANY STORIES. And it was like only 3 months.

Coty said...

I like banana bread. I should go make some :)

Zenne said...

Hahaha. I like liquid sugar...canned liquid sugar is the best. :D

I don't like summer anymore. I used to not mind. The older I get the less I can stand the how hot it is, lol. Winter means running to the store from the car to get out of the cold, summer is dragging yourself to the coolness in a heat-induced haze. Oh, humidity. Want to get out of here.

Well, I don't have stories even compared to my own age group ;). High school was me observing what other people did but never participating. College was me staying in my room and going to class. When I worked with people I just listened to their stories. I just kind of watch life happen around me, haha. I guess I have stories about hurricanes and refinery pipe explosions, though :p

ameeeee said...

Diet Coke is so tasty. I used to drink to much so I quit. I have lapses every week though. Banana bread is my most favourite thing. Do you toast it, and smear it with artery blocking butter?

I love it when my sister/roommate goes home for the weekend - walk around in underwear, eat garlic bread. Ahh fun times. I recently had 4 weekends in a row of this. It was quite nice!