Apr 21, 2008

Send me emails, and you shall recieve stories.

That's awesome sounding juice.

I wish I had a tongue. I had mine unfortunately ripped off in a
weird lawn dart accident. The doctors did their best
to build me a new one, but you know... hard rubbery
plastic just doesnt look or feel real. It looks like a
parrot tongue. And woe, I've never been able to woo a
girl long enough for them to overlook my parrot
tongue. They just kinda lean back in disgust. One
particularly painful experience was when one threw a
birthday party for me with a pinata filled with
sunflower seeds, and when I busted it open, they all
just laughed and called me pirate pet. I boozed many
months after that. It was hard to booze though, with
parrot tongue. Kinda have to lean my head back, kinda
pour the alcohol in. Its very difficult to swallow
without a soft malleable tongue.

Later that evening... I sent an addendum.

Addendum to parrot tongue description:

Girls lean away in disgust...

As my parrot tongue, much like the rubber mallet
doctors usually tend to abuse kneecaps to test
reaction time, is very tough in composition, and I
lack much 'tongue control' as my muscles were torn in
the lawn dart accident. It liken to those carnival bop
the gopher head with a hammer in manner. It bobs in
and out uncontrollable, but worse, it is as if someone
plugged in a Game Genie and put in a code for turbo,
as it flails in and out, more like a gopher having a
seizure. As you can imagine, this is quite disgusting.
If for any good use, I may have procured a spot on the
David Letterman show for his stupid human tricks
segment. I only hope that the audience not began to
vomit uncontrollably at my deformed plastic whip. I do
have to say, I was the purveyor of support for the
illegalization of lawn darts.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sounds horrible and disgusting, yet I still want to see pictures.