Jan 9, 2007

I Long for Doris, Madness Begats Madness

I used to have a nice older lady neighbor Doris who smoked like a freight train. I never saw her smoke, but I could smell it from the exhaust of her dryer. One time I helped her carry a 24 pack of soda from her car, the door opened and the stench wafted over me as if it was an evil escaping from Pandora's box.

Now, a couple replaced them. They like to slam the door. Repeatedly. This has been going on since they moved in. I dont know if the door is broken but late at night, past midnight, even as late as 1 am, they slam the door with an intensity that makes me think, if only, if only they could replace the fervor they have for slamming the door and letting everyone know of their inner woes and anguish with a fervor for valium,or marijuana, all their aggression would not be privvy to everyone in building #6. In fact, I would say, even their need to go outside would be dispelled. Order take out chinese. Chill and watch the telee my friends. If money is a matter, get a job, get an injury, get disability, problem solved. Git R Dun!

So late at night, I snapped, after hearing one of them slam the door, shaking the building, peeling out of the parking lot, coming back to slam the door once again, but this time several times. Did the drive not simmer you down? Do you just have a forearm of a guerilla and lack the gentile touch? So...

I went outside my door in my boxers and slammed my door as hard as I could several times, and exclaimed "WTF! WTF? Can you hear that S**T? Cause I can hear YOUR S**T! WTF!" After a few moments of silence, I went back in, laid down to sleep.

I long for Doris.


Shana said...

You are my hero.

My crack-ho neighbors have moved out, but many a night I would bang my tiny fists on the wall and yell for peace and quiet. And then there was the tap-dancer on the other side who liked to dance out his frustrations in the wee hours.

I'm sure Doris misses you too.

Anonymous said...


Did youreally slam the door and say those things? Did they get the message and stop the noise? Hope so.


Anonymous said...

What is a "gentile touch," you anti-semite?


jimiyo said...

Thanks for cathcing the mistake. I meant

Genteel - civilized: marked by refinement in taste and manners

I admire your bravery wearing a brokeback mountain-like jacket, although, its a little gay, Im sure the comfort and warmth is more than enough to compensate for what other people may think about your fashion sense.


heehee :P


Hi Shana!

I like the phrase "tiny fists." The imagery of Shana and her mighty "tiny fists" burning with intensity once angered. Rrrr! ;)


Hi Dad,

Unfortunately, yes, I did use those words, I curse like a sailor. One who curses alot.

Love ;j