Moment of Zen & Other Broohaahaa..later.

... Hi Shane, Sam, and Shana! :)


i had a pleasant moment yesterday.

i came home from the grocery store with hummus and chips, and takeout chinese dinner. the hummus was an impulse buy, which i hope makes its way into my regular snacking diet. it's too healthy sounding and trendy not too... MAN!, im gonna be so cool...

sophisticatedally i will verbiage! "yes, friends... my favorite snack is hummus."
to which my friends, no doubt impressed with my culture, will say "what is hummus? that stinky s**t that tastes like sour feet?"

"yes brothers and sisters, hummus."

there was a shy rustle in the bush. not a overt rustle, but a clumsy one. it was a baby bird. young enough to have the peculiar nuances of an infant... a skinny neck, wide eyes, and feathers that were soft and not yet full in sheen and color. old enough that the one marble in his head told him to hide in the bush.

he had fallen... assumeably... from a nest looming above my balcony two floors above. i went to my pantry where an empty 12 pack void of beer with the "easy to carry handle" sat waiting for an engineering marvel to convert it into a bird carrier.

(btw, yes family and friends, although on new years, i vowed to stop drinking, i am now officially on the sauce again. albeit, this round, is not so abusive and reckless. i digress, just take my keys away if im oblierated in public. btw, have you noticed the increase in art and creativity? im foolishly, blindly convinced the brew somehow affects positively my mental ability to create. dunno. ill have to do ALOT more drinking to test my hypothesis... hehe. jokes jokes.)

back to the bird.

so i ripped the front end of the fridge pack cardboard box with handle, and it made for a very handy baby bird carrier. i had to CAJOLE the bird into the box though. i told epic 10 second stories of the wonderful life it would live, the beautiful songs with which it would serenade the world... those stories did nothing for the bird. it merely hopped away into another bush. i found that it had a low self esteem about its appearance, so just kind pleasantries about how cute it was, was enough to coax the bird into the box. i walked upstairs and put the bird back in the nest.

for thanks it pooped on my hands as it hopped back into the nest.

i had a feeling that it might have been a little hungry from the panic and hopping around, so i took a few bites of my take out chinese dinner, chewed it into a consistency of gruel and attempted to regurgutate the food back to the baby bird. it would have Nothing to do with spicy chicken and fried rice. it blurted that it was high in sodium and fat.

later as i sat enjoying my good deed with a view to the nest, the mother bird came home to feed her babies. she smelled the foul stink of human on her baby bird, disowned the culprit baby and pecked away at it until it fell out of the nest and plummeted this time clumsily to its death into the mouth of the neighborhood cat.

the end.

ps. the last three paragraphs were all made up.

and you are wondering... what was the pleasant moment you had yesterday? was it when you put the bird back into the nest?

no friends. i forgot. i ate the hummus. it was delicious... mmmm plesant!